Avengers vs X-Men – This is going to get stupid…

First off, no, this is not a blog about comics, it just so happens that this week I’ve twice had reason to post about them.

Right now, I want to talk about the upcoming Marvel cross-over event of the summer, Avengers vs. X-Men.  Right off the bat, you have a pretty good cross over here, though it has been done before (1993’s Bloodties, for example), mostly because you have one of the major X-characters, Wolverine, as an active Avenger as well.  So far so good…but then you get to the meat of the crossover – the Phoenix Force is coming to Earth, apparently to find a new host.

O.k., first of all, if the Phoenix wanted to “come to Earth” it would be there pretty much instantly.  The Phoenix Force has the power to open “star gates” between suns.  Second of all, everyone in the preview that came out this week is certain it’s coming for Hope Summers, the Mary Sue…er…I mean Mutant Messiah that has been around for the last few years.  The X-Men, or rather, the Cyclops Kill Crew on Utopia, want to train Hope so they can use her to reverse the Scarlet Witch’s “no more mutants” mandate.  The Avengers pretty much want to kill the Phoenix and, failing that, stop it from taking a host.  Why?  Because it’s a “parasite” and always destroys everything around it.

O.k., wait.  Stop.  Flag on the play.  Multiple flags on the play.  This premise is bullshit from the start.  Let’s take a look at how.

First, everyone is certain Hope is going to be the host.  Why?  Because maybe she has a link to Jean Grey?  Maybe she’s Jean reincarnated?  Sure…maybe.  Then again, the longest living host of the Phoenix force is already on Earth and we know where she is and what she’s up to.  Once again, Marvel is completely fucking ignoring that Rachel Summers (Grey) was Phoenix for literally YEARS.  She was bonded with the Phoenix force longer than Jean, has gone through a hell of a lot more with it, and pretty much ought to be who it’s coming for.  Marvel ignored her in the idiotic Phoenix: Warsong mini-series a few years ago and still seems to.  If I had a chance to come into the Marvel X-bullpen, I’d take a baseball bat to the head of whoever is the idiot who keeps forgetting about Rachel.

But this gets better…one of the Avengers being sent to intercept the Phoenix is…Captain Britain.  Gee, wasn’t he one of the founders of a super hero team called Excalibur, and wasn’t Rachel ALSO a founder?  Didn’t they live together in a lighthouse for quite a while, spent god-knows how long on a train during the Cross Time Caper, and even switch places temporally?  Oh yeah, they did.  And there’s Captain America and Iron Man saying the Phoenix always destroys everything around it while Brian Braddock doesn’t speak up and say, “well, actually, no, and my former teammate was rather adept at handling it.”

You know, it’s not like Rachel is an unknown character.  It’s not like she’s currently sidelined – she’s in TWO X-titles.  So what the fuck, Marvel?  How are you going to explain this all away?  Oh, whoops, yeah, we forgot about the character who was Phoenix for more than a decade and is currently in the line up on two books.  Just forget about that.  It’s magic, we don’t have to explain shit.

Fucking retarded editors.

Anyway, let’s get back to a few things about this cross-over.  The fact that the Avengers are sending a “suicide squad” to try to stop the Phoenix is also stupid.  They have other friends to call on.  A Nova Corps member was almost killed bringing them the info that the Phoenix was coming…why not contact them?  Or the Guardians of the Galaxy?  Or Silver Surfer?  And since when did the Avengers go for “suicide missions” in the first place?

Seriously, this sounds like a twelve year old wrote the basis for this crossover, one who had only watched about half of the X-Men cartoons from the 90s and picked up the rest from Marvel vs. Capcom.

O.k., rant over, but really, Marvel?  Hire some people who can write.


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