Please excuse this post, for it shall surely ramble.
I experienced a moment a pure happiness today. It’s been quite some time really, since I’ve had that feeling. It’s like all the weight dropping from your shoulders, just for an instant, and the world feels like for at least a little while like it will spin on. It’s not a physical sensation, like a orgasm, but rather a spiritual or emotional renewal.
It happened in my car, which I just bought a month ago and have had issues with. I love it dearly, but it has had various minor mechanical issues and the check engine light has been on since I bought it. Despite a mechanic telling me it’s nothing, it worries me, and sounds and shakes and other things the car does always worries me. I love it so, I don’t want it to not work right.
I had just gotten home from a very unsuccessful shopping run. I’d gotten my groceries and a video game I’d wanted to try, but two other ventures, one looking for some steampunky goggles at a costume store and the other some leather from a craft store, both ended in failure. But sitting there, in my space, the car still running, warm sunlight spilling in after what’s seemed like an eternal winter, the light on the dash went out. The check engine light turned off. I know it will come back on, but it was like the car, no, the whole world was telling me everything was going to be ok, at least for a little while.
And in that instant, I had a moment of bliss. The world was right on its axis, there were things to do, stuff to see, new friends to make. The winter was ending, spring and summer were coming. The dark clouds were turning silver and for just one moment I knew everything would be ok.
A minute later I was worrying about the car again, and mentally calculating how much I needed to put aside for any possible emergency car issues, and reminding myself to do laundry and that I needed to do this, that, and the other, but I felt better, so very much better. I still feel it, hours later, that maybe things will be ok. And maybe the world will spin onward. And even if bad things happen, I will be ok.
I wish you all, anyone who ever reads this, the best of luck in having such a moment, because we all sorely need them in our lives. They are too few, and too far between, but when they come, cherish them and hold on to them as long as you can.