So Long, Son of Beast

This is actually old news, but I just learned that Son of Beast at Kings Island Amusement Park in Cincinnati, Ohio, has been torn down.  This gives me a tremendous sadness. The primary reason this bothers me is because that was my favorite ride there.  In fact, it’s one of the only rides I could ride there…

See, I’m a big guy.  Yes, I’m fat, but beyond that I’m also tall. I’m actually size-wise not so big around that I can’t fit in normal sized seats or anything, but for some reason, the seat belt on rides are apparently built for people who stand about 5’4″ tall.  When you get someone over six feet, they start to not work, and sometimes you have to find special belts that are actually a little longer.  If you can’t, well fuck you.  The ride attendants won’t help you, and your fellow riders just want to get on with their day.  Never mind that the 4’9″ thirteen year old girl is belted in with about four yards of extra belt, you get to look like an asshole and be escorted off the ride.

Son Of Beast

Son of Beast wasn’t like that. It fit.  Not very well, and it squished any man’s gonads, regardless of his size, but damn if I couldn’t ride that thing.  And ride it I did, six times in one day, in fact.  It did give me a headache because that fucker was ROUGH over the wooden structure, but it was fast and mean and it had a loop!  I loved that thing and even used to have a photo of me and some co-workers on it.  I don’t know where the picture went, but it was a great memory.  And now the Son of Beast is no more.

Things change, but sometimes its sad to see them go.


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